Illusory Advice: The wrong letter

"Ngak’chang Rinpoche once told us a story. He was travelling with a lady who had experienced a difficult situation with a friend. During the journey she wrote a letter to her friend and showed it to Rinpoche and asked him what he thought of it. 

Rinpoche said, “It’s a clear well-written letter. It expresses what you feel – but how do you wish your relationship with your friend to be after she receives your letter?” The lady said that she would like to be better friends. 

Rinpoche replied, “Don’t send that letter, then.” She asked Rinpoche why, as he had said that it was clear, well-written, and expressed what she felt. 

Rinpoche answered, “There are various factors to be considered when writing such a letter: what you want to say; what you feel should be said; what you think the person needs to hear; and finally – what the desired outcome might be. The final factor is the one you have to bear in mind. If you don’t care what the outcome is – send the letter. If you do care, then you had better re-write it.” "

p110, Illusory Advice, Ngakma Nor'dzin & Ngakpa 'ö-Dzin, Aro Books worldwide, 2016, 978-1-898185-37-6

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